Yesterday, March 25, 2015 at 12:30 pm, news broke that destroyed the lives of millions of tweenage girls across the entire world. Zayn Malik has left the band One Direction.

Even just typing those evil words hurts. There is no single news story that has ever been more tragic than this. Ever.

Malik has been in the band since it was formed five years ago on the popular X-Factor television talent show. “Directioners,” as One Direction fans are known, are now wondering how the band will ever move on without him this critical piece of the puzzle. Who else is gonna sing those emotional high notes that penetrate your soul and make you believe Jesus is real? No one can.

“I can’t even right now,” a distraught fan tweeted when she heard the heartbreaking news. This basic sentiment was echoed the world over.

“My life is literally over,” one facebook commenter added, “without Zayn in the band, my whole existence loses meaning.” This person is obviously distraught, but also obviously oblivious to the meaning of “literally.”

The four other boys in One Direction say they will continue the band, but how? They are no longer One Direction. They are clearly going in two different directions, at least. We here at The Eagle’s Cry fear this may be the beginning of a very disturbing end.

    From this day forward, March 25th will be remembered as perhaps the darkest, most tragic day in human history. One Direction is no more.