The Malossiraptor Strikes Again


This is an journal describing true events from the past few weeks. Read at your own discretion.


Despite his seemingly harmless appearance, the wild Malossiraptor is not to be approached, without extreme caution.


“Urgghhle” the creature just said, as write in my journal, amidst the never-ending chatter of the surrounding wildlife. Bees buzz, and he plucks them out of the air with his saurian tongue.


“Do not feed the Malossiraptor” is posted all around, but no one ever listens. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe—you have me, a professional, to guide you. I’ll teach you his ways, and how to counter them. By the end, you’ll have an insight as to how the mind of this extremely rare species thinks.


Children crowd around the creature’s desk as I record this, and, God bless their souls, they decide to communicate with him. He attempts to lure them closer, with arbitrary yet interesting information. The children listen, half-intently, trying to decide whether or not his words are complete rubbish or if there is something they can take away from the interaction. The Malossiraptor serenades them with primeval music, drawing them in closer as he gives out of a false impression of timidity with half a grin.


The grin is turning into a smile, and the smile a contortion of the face. Good God, he’s changing—those children shouldn’t have been there, those children shouldn’t have stayed!


With one swift motion of his scaly green arms, he goes for the kill.


He pulls out a chess board.


The children look at him, utterly confused. Maybe they have never seen such an ancient instrument. Maybe they are too terrified to speak. Regardless, there’s only one way out of this position, and that’s to fight.


I have been through this route before, and my record holds strong. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe—you have me, a professional, to guide you. 2-1-1. Two wins, one tie, one loss against the beast. He can no longer win, he can only wink.


He often attempts to look back upon these games with his singular win in mind. Psychological warfare is his primary tool. It works on most, but I don’t let it distract me. If I ever did, he’d go for the kill once more. You have to keep him docile—he won’t lash out this way. His opening moves are standard, his thought processes weak.


The wild Malossiraptor cannot be tamed. Do NOT try it. Do not even think about it. When you think about it, he can tell. But don’t worry, you’ll be safe—you have me, a professional, to guide you.