Hear Ye, Hear Ye! 2019 Autism Awareness Dodgeball Tournament


Nicholas Timoshenko, Editor

On April 9th, 2019 in the high school gymnasium, teachers all across Bethpage did battle. These lords and ladies represented their schools on their respective teams, fighting for glory in the grand tournament.

From baskets upon baskets to a fifty-fifty raffle, the night was loaded with fundraising opportunities, all in the name of Autism Awareness. A total of over three thousand dollars was raised in support of said group. Teachers from the different Bethpage schools fought valiantly on their teams, but only one emerged victorious. From this team, only one warrior, amidst the ferocity of the raging battles, walked away unscathed (mostly). This brave warrior, Sir Malossi of the High School of Bethpage, discussed the preceding events with The Eagle’s Cry. He made a quick recovery after a minor quad pull, as a result of not stretching before the match, since “streching’s for suckers.”

“I, pretty much, was the All-Star of the first game. However, Mr. Inghilterra, Mr. Piccirillo, and Mr. Fazio were all pretty dominant. There were good female participants as well.”

Sir Malossi’s style of dodgeball is “lurking.” He waits on the sideline, hiding the ball, waiting for his scouted opponent of choice to throw his/her ball before “wailing on them.”

After multiple intense rounds of combat, two teams remained, ready to duel for the honorable title of dodgeball champions—BHS versus Kramer Lane. The BHS team looked strong, having been coached by King Healy, who graciously provided “amazing” pretzels to his hard-working knights throughout the night. However, in the finals, a double elimination tournament, BHS lost the first round. All hope looked lost when a courageous last stand was held by Kramer Lane’s Mrs. Schmidt, a “diminutive blonde girl with a cannon for an arm.” She took out eight high school teachers while elementary school students fanatically cheered in the stands. She was, however, subdued by a marksman’s throw from none other than Sir Murray.

Sir Murray’s legendary throw was, in the words of Sir Malossi, “something he’ll talk about at his retirement party.”

Sir Murray dominated that match and the next, securing the victory for BHS.

This was the fourth annual Autism Awareness dodgeball tourney, and the first time BHS competed in it.

“Well,” Sir Malossi corrected, “I think it was the first time for BHS. But it’s the first time we were in it with any kind of talent like me.”

“It was a great night, they raised a ton of money for Autism Awareness, and the good guys won. What could be better than that?”