Ed. Note: Much of what you’ll read below is satirical, but some is not. You decide.

Why do you go to Battle of the Classes? To participate in the activities? To support peers and cheer them on from the stands? Perhaps you attend to poke fun or just laugh? Or maybe…you’ve never even gone. 

On March 3rd, 2023, Bethpage High School held its annual “Battle of the Classes” after school at approximately 3:30 p.m. Every year, the same cycle repeats: spirit week, penny wars, t-shirt making, hallway decorating, and a friendly competition between each grade. So why is The Eagle’s Cry writing an article critiquing an event everyone seems to love? Well, there wouldn’t be a need to critique if there weren’t such blaring issues. 

Where to start? From repetitive themes to unorganized dances, little-to-no preparation goes into this supposedly well thought out event. 

In our opinion, the event was a mess. Nobody was even aware of what time it actually started until the day of. Also, the seniors were the only group to decorate their spot in the stands, and the classic theory goes that the “whole thing is rigged for the seniors to win anyway.” 

The manner that points were awarded after each event made it impossible to keep track if they were actually earned. Scores remained tightly knit with the seniors somehow always coming out on top… even when they lost numerous events.  

And what was up with the inappropriate dance the seniors prepared for their “six-man number?” You couldn’t help but stare in awe that a group of students could actually be so bold as to dance like that. 

And why does the faculty even participate? They didn’t choreograph a proper dance, and they kept winning every event but still lost in the end. Obviously the faculty can’t win, so why have five or six teachers involved at all? 

“My second year teaching, the teachers won every event except one,” said Mr. Malossi. “We even beat some giant seniors in the tug-of-war. I was obviously a key player. The faculty still came in second. However, I have seen the juniors and even the sophomores win the battle!”

Musical Chairs sure is a violent game. At Battle, it was enabled to go beyond school bounds, permitting teachers and students alike to quite literally shove each other off of chairs. There was teacher-on-student violence, student-on-student fighting, and even sibling-to-sibling aggression. There was even cheating, and nobody seemed to mind. Our watchful The Eagle’s Cry editor eyes, however, took deep notice. 

And sure, some students enjoy it, but it’s typically the underclassmen who are relatively new to the whole event. The only thing the upperclassmen care about is winning (which will happen for the seniors anyway). 

Of course The Eagle’s Cry isn’t suggesting we stop the entire thing, but BHS should think about revising it. 

First, the faculty shouldn’t even bother participating, because let’s be honest… what’s the point? It’s usually the same few teachers every year, and from our perspective, they don’t even care that much about it.

Next, we need to stop rigging the games so the seniors always end up winning. Who cares that it’s our last year? Imagine how hilarious it would be if a bunch of seniors lost to the underclassmen!

But, at the end of the day, we truly appreciate our teachers and administration for putting in the effort to create this event every year for students to enjoy. Even though it doesn’t live up to the extremely high standards of our head editors, we still want to thank our faculty for dedicating their time into making Battle of the Classes.