Twilight is a comedy first, romance second. Let it be known that the vast majority of those that indulge in The Twilight Saga do so out of irony and pure comedic relief from their otherwise dull lives. From the first film in the series all the way to Breaking Dawn: Part 2, ridiculous plot points, character development, gaslighting, toxic relationships, and pure emotional abuse all reside within the wonderfully unromantic franchise that is The Twilight Saga. 

It’s amazing really, how far from an intended path concepts can really stray. Edward was written with the intention of being Bella’s dream. And that’s what he is to her. So, how then is it possible that Edward is nothing but harmful for Bella? 

Even Jacob is bad for Bella, but that’s mostly desperation based because he’s a child. There is no “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob.” Both are inadequate options and neither should plague Bella’s life. 

Bella even seems happy with Edward. Meanwhile, throughout the entire series—the books especially—Edward brings Bella immense pain. And no amount of happiness in a relationship is worth the amount of wrongdoing and heartbreak that Edward brings to their relationship. 

Bella deserves better. Everyone deserves better. The entire first half of the first book and film consist of Edward gaslighting Bella in an attempt to protect who the Cullens really are. From ridiculous lines spewed from Edward insisting that Bella just hit her head, or is confused, or that entire events just didn’t happen, all the way to him threatening her life for the sake of making the point that vampires are dangerous. 

Don’t forget New Moon where Edward flat out abandons Bella. For a year! And she waits. She sits and she grieves and she believes that he will come back. She doesn’t let go of him because she is entranced by the illusion of his love. His toxic love. She endures heartbreak for him, because of him, because she thinks he truly loves her. But, he doesn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t put Bella through all the pain we see play out in the series. He would stay true to his word in staying away from her. Because while some of the time they’re happy, the overwhelming majority of the time Edward is slowly and painfully breaking her heart. 

He wouldn’t selfishly flee to Italy, leaving behind his partner. He wouldn’t play with her emotions by promising he’d never leave and then going out of his way to do just that. Nobody truthfully in love would abandon their significant other “for their safety.” Edward doesn’t just think he knows what’s best for Bella, he decides what’s best. 

He orders her around, tries to scare her into not wanting to be with him, constantly talks about what a “horrible person he is” for putting Bella through so much hurt and danger—even when it’s not always his fault that bad things happen—and continuously threatens to leave. He makes decisions for Bella and their relationship without giving her any say. 

The relationship between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen is damaging even to viewers on the outside. From Jacob insisting that Bella deserves better—which she does, just not with Jacob—to Charlie residing in the crossfire of the toxicity, even poor Jessica who stood worried and scared in the effects of Bella’s reckless behavior. 

The love seen between Bella and Edward in Twilight should be used as a warning, a wake up call. It shouldn’t be romanticized. It shouldn’t be yearned for. No one should actually have to go through what Bella went through within the series. Nothing so painful, prolonged, and damaging should thrive; especially in the place of love. 

Twilight isn’t a love story: it’s a tragedy. It’s hurt and heartbreak. It’s exactly what can happen when you put all your faith and trust into someone to keep you safe. It’s what happens when you’re too blinded by your emotions to see how unhappy and hurt you really are. It’s toxic love.  

And for all of these reasons, Twilight is a comedy. Movies packed full with Kristen Stewart lip bites and Robert Pattinson’s awkwardness, books filled up with ridiculous accusations and shockingly hilarious lines spoken by Edward; you do not want to miss out on this experience. Laughter is not uncommon as overdramatic, bad acting, and poorly written love all join into one. 

Twilight: the comedy of a lifetime, the love story of nightmares. Maybe Bella really would have been better off with Alice.