Valerie Kress, Features Editor

For sticking this Jack Skellington’s head on my locker Monday morning, October 26th. To whom this may concern: as many of you know, I am deathly afraid of Tim Burton/ The Nightmare Before Christmas. Deathly. I casually strolled into school Monday morning, happily knelt down at my locker and to my dismay, found THIS monster staring at me. I have been afraid of Tim Burton–ESPECIALLY of Jack Skellington–since age three. I didn’t like that the movie seemed all fine and dandy, while these characters were subliminally trying to scare children. They even say in the movie’s opening song, “This is Halloween,” the cast sings, “that’s our job, but we’re not mean.” I beg to differ. They are mean. ESPECIALLY Jack Skellington. So to whoever did this, thank you for making me cry on Monday morning. We have your fingerprints. If you do not confess now, we will identify you and you will forfeit any reward. Be wise.



(obviously, this is a joke, and should not be taken seriously.) – Editors’ Note